it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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