Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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