i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
