just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
