yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
