..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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