I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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