Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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