i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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