dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
