you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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