8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
