Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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