I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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