mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
