Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
