How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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