i already hear my dad disowning me
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
