Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
