You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
