I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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