Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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