all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
