That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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