I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
