Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Randomize
