Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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