I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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