Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
