i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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