I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
