Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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