i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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