I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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