How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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