I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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