worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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