I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
