We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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