God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
