wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
