Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
