i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
