whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need a beard to bite.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
