If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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