if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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