Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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