If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
