Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
