You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
