hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
