Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
