Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
