Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
