chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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