can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
